The Million Pound Drop

Since the dawn of time, man has thrived on one basic instinct. Survival.

Admittedly, that’s a bit of a grandiose opening, but an appropriate one given the implications of relegation from the Premier League. While it’s certainly considered a ‘life or death’ matter amongst fans, it may well be worth more than that for clubs, with an estimated cost of £200 million plus pounds.

To put that into perspective, that’s University education for 7407 people.

Or 2 and a bit Gareth Bale’s.

Either way, such a fall can literally implode a club, as seen with the likes of Portsmouth, Birmingham City, Leeds and Wolves, all of whom have seen a catastrophic decline, of which relegation played a major (although not entire) role.

Entire empires can fall in an instant and biblical-level legacies can be made. All from one kick of a ball. One 90^th minute equaliser. One wonder-save.

And this is very much why the relegation fight is my favourite part of football. On all levels, but particularly the Premier League.

The absolute unmatched elation a goal can bring in this scrap is incredible, and has seen pitch invasions and statue erections alike. You can see the pain; the anguish; the euphoria on fans faces, you can hear it, you can feel it. I’ve been there myself.

While similar things can be said about the title race, I generally prefer the lower-end fights as I believe it provides much more entertainment value. Sure, the football’s nowhere near as pretty, but this very factor coupled with the unpredictability makes ‘shock’ results that much more significant and memorable.

So, how do you beat the drop?

This question has never been so pertinent, with a meager 10 points difference between the bottom 10 clubs. All of them could go down, and all of them have the potential to stay up.

Essentially, what I call the ‘survival formula’ boils down to some very simple criteria, littered with clichés.

First of which, is a proven goal-scorer. At the end of the day, as ignorant and cringe-worthy as it sounds, goals win you games. A defence able to keep a clean sheet is one thing, but a player capable of turning that 0-0 into a 1-0 can be immensely significant. This year in particular, some of the league’s best, and underrated strikers are involved, which is perhaps one of the reasons it’s so enthralling. Shane Long, Christian Benteke, Darren Bent, Wilfried Bony, Steven Fletcher, Peter Crouch, and Andy Carroll could all conceivably play for top 6 teams, and will have major roles to play come crunch time.

Experienced players are also essential to these teams. Having seasoned pro’s in the dressing room that have been here before and lived to tell the tale can be absolutely pivotal for a team’s chances of staying up. Your Kevin Nolan’s, your Scotty Parker’s, your Kevin Phillips’. After all, the logic of being involved in the relegation fight dictates that you are going to lose a lot of games, plain and simple. And having these players to rally the drooping heads and lead the younger players through is an invaluable asset, and will be the key to getting the shock results that keep a team up.

The dreaded C word also remains a huge factor on two levels. No, not that one.

On the pitch; consistency is one thing that needs no explaining. But consistency off it is perhaps more important. Barring nuclear-level incompetence, fans and owners must remain patient with their manager and allow them to steer the team out of trouble, chopping and changing rarely gets you anywhere. Changing a successful manager is bad enough (eyes on you, Vincent Tan) but trying, mid-season to implement a new style of progressive football is nothing short of suicide, as West Brom have tried to do.

“Right. We’re in trouble and need to stay up. Let’s bring in an unproven manager from a far inferior league mid-season and start playing attacking possession-based football.”

Hmm.

This is fine at the start of a season, and should be encouraged - with the whole of pre-season to introduce such tactics, as Stoke have done, but is generally disastrous to do at this time, and is the result of desperately trying to keep up with the growing trend of tiki-taka.

"All goalkeepers are crazy, but some are more crazy than others." A quote from a book I read at Primary School. I can’t remember what it was called, but for some reason that extract stuck with me, and always proves to hold some relevance come this time of the season. As I’ve said earlier, one wonder save can make all the difference, and team’s having a strong, solid goalkeeper have a distinct advantage in surviving.

Almost ironically placed – last, but not least, is the fans. Ask any player past or present: creating an intimidating, partisan atmosphere has an effect on the team and is vital for the survival effort, its importance undoubtable given almost every manager will ask the fans for this in the pre-match programme once the big games start coming. The sea of passion and noise can give players a massive lift, provide a second wind, inspire confidence, and is just as important as any other factor.

Or you can pull a West Ham and field a load of ineligible players. Your call. 

So, here's where we end up. 

Given that table, my picks must be Fulham, Albion, and Palace.

Football Snobbery

24 hours ago, Stamford Bridge and Villa Park were making their preparations for the 80,000 supporters that would grace both stadiums; ahead of two mid-week local derbies to be played under the floodlights.

At the same time, Sam Allardyce and Pepe Mel were putting the finishing touches to their respective team sheets, and with the two games 125 miles apart, the two mentalities applied by the two weren’t much closer.

Albion came to Villa Park with a fire under their arse, and came right out of the blocks, playing some respectable free-flowing attacking football, and after some excellent moves (and a helping hand from the wind and an own goal) found themselves two goals ahead within the opening 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, at the Bridge, Big Sam opted not to park the bus for a change. Instead, he parked the bus, a couple of vans, a fleet of cars, and a burger stand; showing less ambition than a traffic warden from Slough. They found themselves lucky to be at 0-0 within 10 minutes following a superb save from Adrian to deny Oscar.

In hindsight, you wouldn’t give a second glance to a bloke running down to Paddy Power and putting his life savings on Albion dishing out a tanking, and West Ham receiving one. However, true to the predictably unpredictable and often hilariously cruel nature of football, Albion went on to lose 4-3, while Big Sam’s 11-man brick wall secured a hard earned point at one of the fortresses of the modern day Premier League, with no side ever winning there while Jose Mourinho has been at the helm.

Mourinho has accused Allardyce of playing ‘19^th century football’, but I fail to see this as an insult in the slightest, being as it has proved successful on this occasion. It also comes across as a tad hypocritical, especially in hindsight of Mourinho’s 2-0 win at the Nou Camp with Inter Milan in 2010, where Mourinho adopted a similarly defensive stance. With West Ham in the bottom 3, and the immense financial implications of staying in the premier league, you simply cannot argue with the results. Had the Geordie cart-horse known as Andy Carroll buried his chance from 8 yards out, there would be no such discussion.

One must only cast a thought back to the likes of Hull and Blackpool, who enter the league with intent to attack, and while often providing excellent short-term results, ultimately shows its long term unsustainability with relegation come May.

Playing attractive, attacking football may be easiest on the eye, but Football is, and always will be, a results-based business – a cliché becoming more and more relevant given the growing gap between the ‘elite’ clubs and the rest of the league, with every point worth their weight in gold for clubs outside of the top 7. The fact that Chelsea themselves serve as a symbol for the modern spending habits of the big club makes this sort of snobbery all the more laughable, as this is arguably the top factor in causing this absolute desperation for points from lower clubs, and because of this I would have done the exact same thing.

As thoroughly unlikeable as a back-hand-receiving slimy fat bastard can be, I commend you Big Sam.